


Asphyxiation

by TheHolyYaoi



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, Anxiety, Blood and Violence, Bruises, Cutting, Depression, Domestic Violence, Double Penetration, Dysfunctional Family, Eating Disorders, Embarrassment, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Established Relationship, Fluff and Angst, Gay Sex, Heavy Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, Insomnia, Kinks, M/M, Oral Sex, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Panic Attacks, Past Child Abuse, Polyamory, Rape/Non-con Elements, Sad Lance (Voltron), Scars, Self-Harm, Self-Hatred, Sex Toys, Suicidal Thoughts, Threesome, Threesome - M/M/M, Violent Thoughts, the tags are a mess
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-06-03
Updated: 2018-09-10
Packaged: 2018-11-08 13:50:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 6
Words: 12,737
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11082900
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheHolyYaoi/pseuds/TheHolyYaoi
Summary: Lance was supposedly getting better.He was eating his meals.He was purging them back up.Lance was getting worse with the thought of getting better.But there's no safe place to hide when your mind's the thing that's killing you.--------------------------------------------------------------------In which depressed Lance has a crush on both Keith and Shiro who are in a relationship.





	1. Even in space, gravity pulls you downhill

**Author's Note:**

> This is probably going to be quite depressing and sad for a couple chapters. If you're not comfortable with the themes of cutting, binging/purging, suicidal thoughts or eating disorders then you might not want to read this x

_It's okay. I'm okay. **Breathe**._

Lance was bent over, curled up in a tight ball on the floor of his room. His mind spun, a momentary dizzying sensation taking over him as his hands fisted into the floor. Short erratic breaths left his mouth as tears started to leak down from his eyes. He wanted to die. He wanted to wipe his existence off of the face of this earth.

At this moment, he had never hated himself as much as before. Hunk had taken notice of Lance's fasts and taken it upon himself to make him a nice warm meal, complaining that he needed more meat on his bones. Lance tried to eat as much as he could, forcing the food down his throat whilst he managed to keep up his happy facade. He flirted with Shiro and Keith, who rolled their eyes and shot back their own flirtatious glances. Lance etched on his signature smug grin as he put down his fork and quickly excused himself from the table, rushing to his room.

"Hunk my man, that was the best thing I've ever eaten,'' He had said before trying to walk out slow enough to not cause suspicion.

The minute the door shut behind him, he swallowed back the urge to purge everything he had eaten; which wasn't much in the first place. He dry heaved, his hand slamming against his mouth as he gagged back the feeling of everything rushing back up. He was getting better. He was finally getting better. What went wrong? Tears had started to run down freely now, leaking down his face and onto the floor as bile rose up in the back of throat. The familiar feeling of throwing up welcomed him as he ran to the bathroom, slammed the toilet seat up and puked. He watched whatever he ate come back up and fall into the toilet as his hands tightly gripped the bowl.

_You're so fucking disgusting Lance. You can't even keep back what Hunk made for you._

He threw up until he couldn't throw up anymore, feeling the emptiness in his stomach as he wiped his mouth with the back of his hand. Groaning, he got up from his crouched position and flushed the toilet one. Then twice. The first time always caused a frothy appearance to appear and to completely get rid of the evidence,the second time should usually do it. Walking over to the sink, he gurgled his mouth with cold water before starting to brush his teeth. Brushing right after wasn't good for you but he needed to hide the scent before the others found out. Even if they did somehow clock on to what he was doing to himself, he'd just pass it off as a stomach bug.

Walking back into his room, he grabbed a packet of mints and took down a small handful, crunching down on them. Looking at himself in the mirror, he attempted a small smile. Something to make it seem believable that Lance wasn't constantly trying to kill himself or get skinnier. His hand ran down his stomach, making him grimace. He was so incredibly fat that he wasn't sure of how everyone else wasn't repulsed by him. Maybe they were. Maybe they were disgusted by him but hid it so they wouldn't offend him. Maybe they all talked about how fat he was behind his back when he wasn't around. Maybe they were laughing about it now, hiding their sniggers as he left the room.

It was all his fault. It was all his fault that he was still around. He should've killed himself time ago. Should've ended his pathetic excuse of a life when he was living back at home with his family. He still remembered it all. What his family did to him. He remembered his father stumbling drunk into his room, shouting profanities at the top of his lungs as he brought down the glass bottle against Lances frame. He remembered the feel of the whip, the sharp sting of it as it cracked against his back. Ah and how his mother would beat him to a pulp along with the help of his siblings. All the bruises, the _scars_.

He didn't hate them, actually he loved them. He admired them for doing what they did to him. He deserved it all, he deserved every glass piece that dug deep into his skin, every burn of the lighter and its flames. He deserved the hot iron rod that his mother often struck against his skin as she locked him in the basement for days and days on end, trapped in the dark and starved. Lance was disgusting. He was repulsive, hideous, fat and so much more. Now he didn't have anyone else telling him that he should jump in front of a car on a busy day. He didn't have anyone taking away his plate of food when he couldn't  
handle being starved anymore.

His family had helped him. Now, he didn't need to shove two fingers down his throat as often just to puke it all up. Because of them, Lance's body wasn't used to food which was a good thing. He was loosing weight fast and he'd keep starving himself until he was flat as he could be. Right now, he still held a disgustingly large amount of fat on his thighs which he absolutely despised.

 _Maybe you should just kill yourself so the others don't have to see your thighs move every time you walk_.

Lance whined. _Why was he still here?_ He looked down away from the mirror and to the small drawer near the side of his bed. Slowly, he walked up to it and opened up the bottom draw, taking out a black plastic package. Unwrapping it, he sighed contently. _They were still here._ A happy smile carved its way onto his face as he reached out,tracing his hand against cold metal. Feeling a sharp sting run across his finger, he drew it back to see dark red blood. Humming to himself, he picked the blade up and pulled down his trousers. Quickly, aching for release, he dragged the blade across his thigh, watching it split open his skin, laving a deep gash behind. He hissed against the pain as he dug it in deeper before placing more all over him. He didn't mean to. He didn't mean to breathe the air he was breathing to this day. But by doing this, he made up for it. Not all of it but still a small part of it. Lance didn't deserve life. _Lance was stupid, ugly_ _and_   _disgusting_. He needed to die.

His tanned skin now bore slits all over. He watched blood seep out from the gaps in his skin, red contrasting honey brown. He sat there for what seemed like hours, staring into the silence complexly drained. Lance hated himself. He hated his body, his personality, he hated everything. Some part of him wished that he had never stepped into the Garrison. He wasn't needed here anyways. With people like Keith and Shiro, there was no place for Lance. They were just so....amazing. Exhilarating. The couple were _perfect_. The fact that Lance even liked them was incredibly embarrassing. Imagine having someone as dysfunctional as Lance liking both you and your boyfriend. He felt as if he should carve it into his skin, Lance wasn't meant to be loved. Lance was only here to make seven.

Sighing, he got up and cleaned off the blood from him. A small part of him was pleased with himself. He hadn't cut for a long time, the scars of his past scattered along his thighs and arms. He was thankful that the ones on his arms weren't as noticeable now. If anyone from the team actually found out, he'd die. He didn't want to make them uncomfortable or even more repulsed then they were already. Bandaging up his left thigh, he flinched at the small knock on his door. Quickly pulling up his pants, he threw the blood covered tissue in the bin and stumbled over to the door. Lance was fucked, the gashes in his legs were so deep that he felt as if he walked properly, he'd faint. Choking back his groans, he yelled a come in as he sat on his bed, pretending to do something.

Keith walked in, followed by Shiro who leaned against the wall. He smiled down at lance and for a second Lance thought he knew. Maybe he'd been to obvious. Maybe they had found out about his crush. Panic flooded lance as he over thank, his smile trembling. _Not now lance._   _Now was not the time to have a panic attack._ He gulped, watching Keith take a seat on his chair.

"Hi guys, what brings you round to my crib?" He asked effortlessly. He wasn't going to let the months of acting fail him now.

Keith stared at him, his lips formed a firm slitted line. _God, his_   _lips looked so soft._ His gaze burned into him, making Lance uncomfortable as he crossed his arms loosely over his chest. He tried to stare at Shiro next, hoping he'd brake the awkward silence. But his mind just wondered off somewhere else as he stealthily gave him a once over. _Shiro was so beautiful. He'd love to have his face squished_   _between his thig-_

"We've noticed that your level in training has significantly fallen. Not only that, you're not as focused as you used to be on missions. God, last time you could have _died_ Lance" Shiro told him, cutting off his train of thought.

 _Well that was the idea_. Lance could've have easily passed off his death without worrying about outing himself out about his suicidal thoughts.But sadly, Shiro and Keith had once again managed to interfere in the nick of time. The only good thing that came out of that mission was that Lance had been carried back to the ship in Shiro's arms. He had enjoyed it for a bit, ignoring the sharp burning sting that ran across his ankle. But then, whoever was upstairs started to knock around his thoughts for a bit. He cringed back at the memory, feeling sympathetic towards Shiro. Shiro had to walk back carrying Lance. He carried him back without complaining even once about his weight and how heavy he was. Lance groaned, forgetting that he was still surrounded by two extremely distressed Paladins.

"Uh well, I've just not been feeling too good lately. Don't worry though, i'll be fine next time, i promise. Wouldn't want to have you carry me back again at all ha" He said, scratching at the back of his neck in embarrassment. His face contorted into a look of disgust as he finished speaking. He definitely didn't want to place Shiro under that again.

When Lance looked back up at Shiro, he noticed that his smile was downturned and a sad look passed over him for a split second. Maybe Lance had said something wrong, he didn't want to hurt Shiro. Keith's face held a panicked expression before rubbing his hand down the others arm. He whispered something into his ear as Shiro nodded and quickly covered his disappointment up with a small smile.

"You alright? You can tell us if anything's wrong, that's kinda why we're here right now. I mean come on,I'm practically someone who listens to you being homesick. You can tell me anything Lance" Keith joked, trying to lighten the mood.

"Not this time buddy. Everything upstairs is fine, my stomachs just been kind of whoozy lately" Lance said, shrugging off the fact that he probably made Keith uncomfortable about all his homesick talk.

Keith looked unsure for a moment before giving a small nod. He walked over to him and ran his hand through his hair, ruffling it up before saying his goodbye and leaving with Shiro. Lance loved having his hair touched, especially when it was Keith that was doing it. He somehow managed to hold back a soft moan as he felt his hand through his hair, making him close his eyes. He let them leave, already missing the warmth they provided. Lance yearned to have what they had. He wanted to be loved and held by the both of them. Lance had been trying to hide his greed and envy for quite a while now, avoiding them whenever they were together. He was selfish, he wanted them both but didn't want to wreck what they had.

Sighing, he fell back into his bed. Today had been a long day and for some reason, he felt as if the next few would be even worse.


	2. Soothe me to sleep

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So here i am , finally posting another chapter and i can't help but want to thank everyone. I literally bullshitted my way through this because i didn't actually think people would read it XD Also, i really reeeaallyy appreciate the comments so thank you :*

**"DIE YOU BITCH"**

He awoke with a gasp like a fish out of water, screaming for dear life as he pressed his back against his bed. Looking around at his surroundings, he tired to calm himself down, his hands frantically rubbing over his eyes and tugging at his hair. Lance couldn't hold back the choked sobs that raked through his body as he brought his knees into his chest. Rocking back and forth, quiet harsh edged whispers left his mouth, repeating the same phrase over and over again.

"I'm okay, i'm okay" He mumbled, caught in a trance like state as he tried to soothe the storm inside of his head.

He didn't even feel the tears run down his cheeks, dropping onto his sheets as he covered his mouth from letting out any noise. It was late, extremely late and the last thing he wanted to do was wake one of the paladins. He looked up from his hands and stared into the distance, his vision shaking a little before it stilled. His eyes widened, letting out a chortled noise as he scrambled back desperately. There stood his father with a beer bottle ready to be thrown at him and next to him his mother, glaring at him with all the hatred and disgust she could muster.

"Stop, please. I'm sorry...i'm sorry" he begged and he could've sworn he felt the glass against his skin as the bottle was thrown.

 Lance flinched, bringing his arms up to shield himself. He knew it wasn't real, he knew they weren't here with him right now but when all his memories crashed down upon him in one swift elegant blow, he couldn't muster up the will to separate his nightmares from reality. He cried, god, he cried so much that he felt as if the ocean had been sucked dry of all the water it carried and now fell from the boy's eyes. Looking down at his shaking hands, he whimpered seeing dark red blood coat his fingers to turn his sheets red.

"It's not real, its not real" He whispered, wiping his hands on his jogging bottoms as he tried to get rid of the blood. Only this time, it seemed to run up his arms just as bruises appeared.

Even in space he couldn't fucking escaping his past life.He was a train wreck, a fucking mishap and he no longer wanted to breathe. The air choked him, strangled him as he let out another scream. Row by row, one after the other, he could feel the harsh blows against his body. Almost as if it was real, almost as if he was dying once again. And that's when he found himself chained to the walls of his basement. Screams bellowing out of his mouth as he cursed at his mother just as she brought down the hot iron rod.  It burned, it burned so fucking much as he struggled to get lose, kicking out his arms and legs.

"GET AWAY FROM ME. STOP. GOD , PLEASE STOP" He shouted as his head cocked back from the pain of the burn, his eyes shutting as he didn't want to see her drag the rod up his arms or along his stomach.

He couldn't breathe, he couldn't fucking breathe. The only thing that was keeping him alive now wrapped its cold hands around his throat and brought him to his knees. It sang such vile things to him that he felt like he could explode right this second. Lance's hands crawled up to wrap around his throat, digging his nails deep enough to draw blood as he wailed. His cries filled his head,bouncing off of the walls of his room as he bled. 

_Bang_

And the rod hit his skin, making his head cock back in pain as he screamed one more.

_Smash_

The glass dug into his flesh, a thousand profanities leaking out of his mouth as he tried to crawl away.

His fingers removed themselves from his neck and clung to his trousers as he tried to regain his breath. Only to find that he couldn't. He felt as if he was dying, as if he was going to die right now this very second. Lance could feel his energy leave him, the world around him becoming a blur as he stared at his families faces. They mocked him, they laughed, pointing at his horrid figure as he curled up into a ball. He just wanted to leave, he just wanted to leave. Maybe some part of him didn't want to die, maybe he just wanted the pain to go away. Maybe Lance wanted to be happy, to feel loved and be treasured by someon-

"AHHH NO PLEASE! PLEASE, I'M SORRY. FATHER I'M SORRY" He screamed as he felt his cold hands run across his body, peel away at his clothes as he yelled out. Lance thrashed about on his bed, wanting to escape from the his father's harsh clutch.

His sheets were now on the floor along with his pillows but he couldn't recognise what was what. Because now, here he was again, his face flat against the cold wooden floor that creaked with every small movement, fully undressed with his hands tightly tied behind his back. The familiar feeling of the black rope burned into his wrists as the leather whip hit him. He sobbed, not from the pain of the whip but from what he knew would come next. Lance would take all the brutal beatings he could get if it would help him avoid his fathers clutch. 

"No, n-not this. Anything but this. Please" He sobbed, trying to get out of his hold as his body shook.

"I don't want this. I don't want THIS YOU FUCKING BASTARD. STOP. STOP" He yelled, his voice breaking as he steadied himself for the slap across his cheek that would come next.

It was almost as if he was back in his home, thrown onto the floor vulnerable to his touches. He could remember it. He could remember it all and he didn't want to. He didn't want to.

HE DIDN'T FUCKING WANT TO REMEMBER THE WAY HIS FATHER HELD HIM DOWN AS HE FELT THE SEARING HOT PAIN RUN ACROSS HIS BODY.

HE DIDN'T WANT TO REMEMBER THE WAY THE POISON FELT AS IT CURSED THROUGH HIS BLOOD AT THAT VERY MOMENT HE WAS BROKEN INTO.

HE DIDN'T WANT TO FEEL THE DISGUST HE FELT WITH HIMSELF AS HE WAS LEFT TIED UP COVERED IN HIS OWN SEED AND THE OTHERS.

He didn't want to remember the way he tried to hang himself right after.

But right this fucking cursed second, he could remember it all and it made him want to stab a knife right through his flesh. He felt disgusting..no, no...he was disgusting. He was filthy, dirty and god, he just wanted to be clean again. He just wanted it all to be over.

"HELP! SOMEBODY HELP ME PLEASE" His cries rickoeted out of his chest, echoing the walls in fierce slams as he felt every single vile thrust.

And that's when he felt it. Or them. He felt hands wrap around his arms, one carefully holding his jaw as he was forced to look up. His body trembled as he tried to scamper away, letting out a small broken scream. Fearing the blurred faces as he whimpered.

"No, please I'm sorry. I won't do it again. i won't do it again" He whispered, his words breaking up by the small gasps for air.

He didn't now what was going on. Right now, he didn't know where he was, who he was with or why the fuck he could hear sweet loving voices. This wasn't how it usually went, he didn't know what to do. 

"P-Please" He whined, shaking his head at the two figures once they got closer.

"Shh, it's okay Lance. It's okay, breathe babe. Can you do that for me? Just breathe" A soothing voice spoke in hushed whispers. His words seemed to almost caress him in a way, gently bringing the male down from his hallucinations as he whimpered. 

His eyebrows furrowed as he tried to recognise who it was. Staring right at the direction from where his voice came from, he could make out a flash of gentle grey/purple eyes. He tilted his head to the side, unable to fathom why he would be here right now. 

"K-Keith?" he whispered, edging closer to him as his face contorted into one of need.

He just wanted to be held right now by someone who could make the pain go away. Lance couldn't help the sob that left his mouth as he tried to listen to what he had said. But he couldn't do it, he couldn't grasp a hold of the air he needed. He was a complete failure and he couldn't even do what he was told to to help him.

"I c-can't" He cried, gasping for breath as his chest started to rise up and down. His hands fisted, clenching the sheets on his bed as he panicked.

"Look at me Lance. C'mon love, i know you can do it. I want you to breath in for a couple seconds from your nose, hold it for 4 and then breathe out from your mouth." A deeper voice broke him from his frustration as he turned to look beside Keith. He caught onto the colour of the other's hair, a white patch entering his field of vision.

"S-Shiro? Oh go-god" He gasped out, placing his hands over his face.

Nodding, he did as he was told; taking a long breath in through his nose, he held it for a couple seconds and breathed out through his mouth. Lance didn't now how many times he did this, loosing count quickly as he tried to calm himself down. What felt like hours later, he managed to finally get a hold of himself, only small hiccups breaking out of his mouth from how much he had cried.

The energy in his body left him almost immediately as he fell forward into the arms of Keith. His body warmth flooded over him as he tried to keep his eyes open, his vision clearing after a few seconds. He couldn't help but nudge his head into Shiro's hand just as he felt it run through his hair. It was almost as if reality had hit him right there and then as he let out a strangled gasp and moved away from them.

He had been caught. They had found out about his night terrors and he whined, unable to face them as he looked down into his hands.

"I-I'm sorry for waking you, you two must have been sleeping or something and I'm sorry for letting you see me like this" he mumbled, apologies seeping out of his mouth as he was lost for what to do.

"Oh god, you must think I'm real pathetic. Look at me right? Crying over some fucking shit that doesn't matter. That isn't real right now" He said, letting out a mocking laugh as he quickly wiped the tears from his face.

He sniffled as he sat back against his bed as far away from them as he could get. He wished that they'd just leave, just forget about everything and carry on with their lives. Lance knew they didn't care about him , i mean why would they? He's just Lance. Ordinary, plain, boring Lance. 

"I understand if you guys walk out right now and leave. Actually you should go, like now. Just f-forget about everything that happened and pretend that you didn't see me like this. I can still be that Lance in your minds right? I-I can act like you were never here. This must be really awkward for you guys, I'm so sorr-"

His endless rambling was quickly cut off as he was placed into a sudden hug. His breath hitched in his throat as he visibly tightened up, refusing to allow himself to relax into Keith's arms. But he didn't stop him. He didn't stop him as he was pulled into his lap, his warm breath against his skin as his arms wrapped around his waist. He didn't stop Shiro either once he felt him hug his trembling body from behind and place a soft kiss against his forehead.

"Don't apologise. God Lance, you should have told us that something was wrong. We came running as fast as we could when we heard you scream. Y-You scared me. You scared us." Keith whispered, placing kisses all over his face as he felt his hold tighten on him. 

Guilt took over Lance the second he heard his words, a small frown making its way on to his face as he leaned forward to rest his chin on his shoulder.

"I-I'm sorry. It was by accident. I didn't mean to scare you" He mumbled, fiddling with his laced fingers as he sighed.

"Hey, it's okay. As long as you're safe it doesn't matter,"Shiro told him as he ran his fingers through his hair in a comforting manner. 

Lance felt good like this, being trapped between both their bodies as they hugged him. He liked their touches and  the feel of their skin but he couldn't help but feel selfish. He was taking  up their time and by how tired they looked, he should really send them off now.

"I'm okay now so um..thank you for helping me through that. I'm pretty sure i'd have blacked out if you two hadn't calmed me down hah. I'm really terribly sorry for waking you up but you can go back now. I'm fine really" He told them, forcing his signature smile to his face as he looked between them two.

Honestly, he wasn't fine. He was scared. He was terrified of going back to sleep only to slip back into his nightmares. But he could put on an act for the both of them right now, he could fake a smile and make that sparkle appear in his eyes just so they'd believe him. However, what he didn't expect was for them to see right through it.

"No, we're staying here with you. The bed's not big enough to fit us all on here so I'm going to take you to Shiro's room. I can tell you're not fine Lance. There's no need to act as if you are. We really care about you and we'll try to help you as much as we can. If that mean's cuddling your cute self to sleep then god, i can do that" Keith hummed, running the his nose against the crook of his neck, making Lance shiver.

A deep blush rose up his neck and onto his cheeks as he was called cute. What? No, that couldn't be right. He probably just heard him wrong because there's absolutely no way Keith Kogane just called Lance cute. That idea seemed preposterous and not even a fool would have believed that.

"W-What? No, i don't want to be a nuisance. You don't have t-aaah Shiro!" He exclaimed as he felt heavy hands grip him by the waist and seconds later Lance was being cradled in Shiro's arms.

His eyes widened as he looked up at him in amazement, completely shook by just how beautiful the man looked and how comfortable he felt in his arms. His eyes ran over his face, trailing across his jawline as he gulped. He was unable to stop himself as he leaned into his hold, his hands resting in his lap as his head lay against his chest.

"Come on you, you could never be a nuisance. Lets get a beautiful thing like you straight into my bed now" The absolute sex god purred.

His jaw dropped open at his comment, looking straight over to a smirking Keith who winked at him. He groaned hiding his face in his hands from his embarrassment. This was not happening. He did not just say that. Lance pinched himself slightly, thinking that he was definitely still dreaming but the sharp feeling that followed his action confirmed that this was all real. He couldn't handle the sudden attention or the words they spoke that sent warm flashes straight across his body.

"What's going on?" he mumbled, completely to himself as he let himself be carried into Shiro's room.

The first thing that hit him was how cold his room was and the mix of both their scents ran over the blue paladin. He felt himself be placed on his bed and looked up at the both of them. Lance didn't know what to do but he felt as if he wanted this. He wanted to be caressed and soothed by the both of them. But this was definitely just a one night thing right? In the morning, everything would go back to normal after cuddling and waking up. God, he was over thinking all of this. He was just going to sleep with them. He stilled a little, his blush darkening as he thought that. Oh god, that sounded completely wrong, not in that way Lance. Not in that way.

He smiled a little as he felt a dip on the bed either side of him and watched as Shiro and Keith got in, Keith on his left and Shiro on his right. His eyes followed the black paladin's figure as he  disappeared to return with a long white bandage and some anaesthetic wipes.

"Look up sweetheart" He told him as he smiled down at Lance.

Nodding, he looked up a little and felt the soft touch of the wipes glide against his skin, making him wince a little as he cleaned up the blood. The whole time, Keith cuddled into his back, his hands gripping at his waist. Seconds later, Shiro lightly wrapped the bandage around his neck, covering up the deep gashes as he placed a soft kiss on his forehead and then the tip of his nose, making Lance crack a small smile. 

Shiro's hand touched his chest and slowly pushed him down onto the bed, chuckling slightly as he did. The second he was down, he was turned onto his side so he was facing Keith and the warmth spread over him right as he was sandwiched in between the couple. Keith wrapped his arms around his waist and placed a knee over Lance's legs, bringing him even closer as he felt Shiro's crotch right against his ass and his chest along his back.

"O-Oh god" he squeaked from the sudden contact as he hid his face in Keith's chest, taking a deep breath of his scent.

The red paladin chuckled, the heavenly sound erupting from his chest as his hands traced small circles into Lance's waist, touching skin. Lance shivered, biting down on his lip as he held himself back from making any sounds. All of a sudden all this had become much more intimate then he thought it would have been. But god, it felt so right. It felt so right being held by the both of them that he couldn't help but want more. Lance wanted all of them, he wanted to be claimed by them as well as lay his marks all over their bodies. He didn't want what they had but now he understood it all. He wanted to be part of what they had.

"Goodnight Lance" Shiro mumbled, right against his ear, sending shivers down his spine.

"Night handsome" Keith purred, placing a kiss on his face, a little too near his lips.

Lance's breath hitched in his throat, gulping as he buried himself deeper into their holds. He wasn't sure if they knew just what they were doing to him. Maybe they treated everyone like this and he wouldn't have been surprised. Although, he'd never seen Keith be this gentle towards him. They'd always have mock fights and he knew he'd never told him but he remembered their bonding moment much too well.

"G-Goodnight guys" He stuttered out, letting out a shaky breath as he closed his eyes.

It didn't take long for him to fall asleep to the sounds of their quiet breaths leaving their mouths and Lance soon found himself dreaming about the two males he was in between. It was safe to say that he had never slept so well before but he knew that he'd regret it all when the morning had arrived. Sure, he was allowed to enjoy their company and love for now but the second the light hit, he'd be out of here. This wasn't a long time thing and he was probably being a bother right now, coming in between the two lovers. He was stupid, god, he was so stupid but Keith and Shiro...they made him feel more at home then home had ever felt before. And he couldn't help but feel a little scared at what that meant for him.

 


	3. The depth between two bodies

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> When two paladins start to get a lil touchy in their sleep and Lance is caught in between all of it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well this chapter was supposed to be sad and all but my sister deleted it so have some porn instead ;)

Lance was doomed. No, scratch that. Doomed wasn't strong enough to describe what he was right now, he was a goner. Embarrassment raked through him as he nibbled on his bottom lip, trying to think of a way out of all this. Right now, at the early hours of the day as he was wedged between two godly bodies that belonged to his crushes, he was hard. Hard as fucking stone, practically throbbing for release as pre cum threatened to leak out from his tip.

"Goddamn fucking morning wood" he muttered, attempting to get out of their grasps only for him to push his ass further into Shiro's crotch.

He stiffened, feeling the other's shaft between his ass cheeks, causing a warm feeling to run down to his lower regions. Fuckfuckfuckfuckfuck was all he thought as he gulped when Shiro's arm wrapped around him, pulling him further into his body. His warm breath ran across the back of his neck as his cock started to throb, his hard on evident against his trousers. What didn't help him in this situation was Keith, who had shuffled closer, his knee rising up to press against his cock. A needy sound left through his lips as his eyes widened, his hands clamping over his mouth as his face flushed.

If he moved even the slightest bit, he'd either grind his ass against Shiro or grind his cock against Keith's knee. Either way he'd grind against someone so for now, he lay still. He heard a soft groan leave Keith's mouth as the male moved, causing his knee to further press into his crotch, making Lance's head cock back in pleasure, his back arching as his ass pressed against Shiro. As much as he was being pleasured right now, he needed to get out from between them before they woke up.

A soft moan escaped through his lips, his eyes rolling shut as Keith moved again in his sleep. His knee grinded harder against his cock as Shiro moved closer to him, the other's shaft resting in between his ass. Lance's chest lightly moved up and down, small erratic breaths filling what once was pure silence as he involuntarily rocked his hips forward against Keith's knee. His eyes widened as he realised what he had done, his body heating up as his eyes glazed over with lust. Pre cum dripped out of his cock, leaving a small wet patch on the front of his trousers as his hands came up to hide his face.

He couldn't handle all this being placed on him all of a sudden, he was so bloody sensitive right now that he was sure if Keith moved once more he'd cum. When was the last time he jacked off? God, he couldn't remember.

Shiro's warm hand snaked up his shirt as he was pulled flat against the other's chest, mumbling something in his sleep as his fingers rested on his nipple. Oh god, no. Not that. Anything but the nippl-

"Nnghhaa!" he gasped out as his finger brushed against his hard nub, drawing an immediate response from Lance.

Did they usually move so much in their sleep? He questioned as Shiro's finger moved again, strumming downward against his nipple as if he was playing a guitar. His half lidded eyes staggered over to Keith as the red paladin let out a grunt, moving extremely close until their noses practically touched. He too slipped his hand underneath Lance's shirt, warmth flooding him as he took leverage of his other nipple. His knee had been replaced with his thigh, rubbing against his leaking cock as Lance tightened up, holding back his orgasm which was seconds away from spilling out.

"F-Fuc-ahh haa" he panted out, a moan slipping out from his mouth as his eyes fell to Keith's plump lips.

Keith suddenly moved again, his knee quickly moving up, making him press down hard right over the piercing on the tip of Lance's cock, making him jolt against Shiro, grinding against the other's dick.

"Found it" Shiro mumbled in his sleep, his head falling forward to lay on Lance's shoulder, causing his lips to press against his neck.

The Cuban boy whined, his eyebrows furrowing as his hands fisted the pillow, his cock twitching as he couldn't help but slowly grind himself back against Shiro which in turn drew contact to his dick from Keith.

"Damn right" Keith murmured, shuffling forward.

Lance's eyes widened as Keith's lips brushed against his, staying there for a second. He didn't know what to do. Oh god, did he move away?  But it felt so good that he had become a puddle right between the both of them. He felt like he was melting and he never wanted it to end.

"Not fair" spoke the man behind him, his words pressed against his neck as his crotch dug between his cheeks, his fingers against his nub.

"Must be dreaming hmm. Need to pinch myself to see if it's real" Shiro slurred, his hand moving against Lance's nipple just as Keith's leg moved back and instead his hand came to grab his cock from outside his trousers.

"No no no don't pinch. Don't pinch plea- _Shiro!"_ He whispered, his words falling over each other as he moaned out his name when he felt his fingers clamp around his nipple, giving it a tight pinch.

His shirt had rolled up now, exposing his hard nubs to the cold air as he whimpered against the both of them, rocking between both crotch and hand as he felt a known warmth travel down his body straight to his crotch.  
Thankfully, Keith's head had moved down away from his face but given the position that they were in, he'd rather have him back up here.

"Hungry. Need to eat" Keith muttered, his warm breath hovering onto the nipple that Shiro wasn't pinching.

He gasped as Keith's tongue came out to flick against his nub, twirling around it as it quickly became coated with his saliva.

"Mhmm tastes good" The red paladin spoke.

 Lances eye's rolled back in pure ecstasy, his arm moving to his mouth as he bit down to refrain any more lewd sounds from escaping him. But even that wasn't enough to muffle the loud moan that ricocheted out of his mouth when he felt Keith bite down hard against his nub, his mouth latching onto it as Keith's hand grabbed at his crotch, giving it a squeeze. The male sucked down against his nipple, making Lance tremble in their hold as small whines left his mouth.

"Pump it harder? Yes sir" Keith hummed as Lance felt his pants start to slip down just a little, enough to expose his cock to the air.

"No pumping! P-Plea-ahh" he moaned once Keith's hand wrapped around his swollen cock and started to move up and down his length at an incredibly fast pace.

"Keith oh god ahha haa Keith!" he whimpered over and over again as his legs buckled up, his eyes closing shut in pure bliss. Cum. He needed to cum so fucking bad.

"Clogged? I'll fix it. I just need to pump a little" Shiro mumbled as the black paladin's hand reached out to wrap over Keith's.

"Fuck fuck ahha i-I'm gonna cum" he moaned out, his thighs clenching as saliva dripped down out of his open mouth.

Their hands started to move faster, occasionally one of them would play with his slit, a thumb digging into his foreskin which would draw a moan from him every single time. But what got to him was when nimble fingers tugged at his Prince albert, making Lance hold onto Keith's arm, his fingers digging into his skin. His cock twitched once more, giving a rather large throb as Lance moaned out both their names, his hands clawing at the sheets as he came.

 His cock shot out hot liquid onto the paladins hands as tremors shook Lance's body, cum endlessly spilling out. His body went limp as he relaxed against the both of them, heavy pants leaving his mouth as he tried to regain his breath. Their hands moved once more, giving a few pumps from the bottom of his shaft all the way to the tip, enticing a pleasured groan from him. His legs buckled up from the contact on his now sensitive cock and he couldn't help but let out a sigh of relief once their hands moved back.

"Taste to see if the salt's fine? Okay" Keith whispered, grabbing Lance's attention as he watched him raise his fingers to his lips, which were now coated with his cum. Lance quickly moved forward to stop him, letting out a cry of stop but it was too late. Keith's clever little tongue snaked out and wrapped around his fingers, licking and sucking till there wasn't even a dot of cum left on them.

Lance could've sworn that his heart had skipped a beat or two when he watched him lap at the cum, his blush becoming as dark as possible.

"Salty but it tastes really good. Ask Shiro to  taste it. He's good with his mouth" Keith spoke once his fingers had left his mouth, a smile playing on his lips.

Behind him he felt Shiro move, making Lance shuffle around with wide eyes.

"N-No!" He yelled out in embarrassment, half crawling over the man as he held onto his hand, stopping him from entering the fingers into his mouth.

"Go on Shiro. Taste it. It's really good"

Lance whined as Keith egged him on. How were they still asleep?! A huff left his mouth as he was all but pulled onto Shiro's body, straddling him as the other's hand tugged forward.

  
"Fuck, how are you so strong?" He muttered as he fell forward, making his ass grind back against Shiro's crotch. Lance could've sworn he felt something hard against him but he was too caught up in stopping him to think about it.  He watched as his fingers disappeared into the other's mouth, his lips enclosing around the cum on them. He let out a groan, leaning down to rest his head on the other's chest as embarrassment flooded through him.

A loud hum rang through Shiro, making Lance look up to see that the other had a smile on his face.

"I'd love to have some more" left the paladins mouth, making Lance gulp. The two of them shuffled in their sleep, making Lance jump off of Shiro and fix himself up by both pulling his trousers up and his shirt down. He crawled under the covers, his cheeks flushed bright red as he pretended to fall asleep.

If he hadn't hid down under the sheet then he would have for sure seen the glances Keith and Shiro had given each other, smirks playing at both their lips.

\------------------------------------------------------------

Lance poked his head back out half an hour  later, the blush having lightened but it was still present if one looked hard enough.

"Morning love" Shiro hummed, pressing a soft kiss against his cheek as he watched him get up out of bed. The absolute god stretched, muscles rippling across his back as Lance couldn't help but stare.

"M-Morning" he stuttered out, noticing that Keith was no longer here beside him.

He raised an eyebrow, about to ask just where the other was when the room door opened and in came a wet Keith, droplets of water dripped down his skin as his boxers hung low along his hips. A small towel sat around his neck as he met his eyes, a cocky grin evident on the other's face.

"Morning Lance, Shiro" he said as he walked up to him, ruffling his hair up.

A smile lifted to his face as his hands placed themselves on his lap, shuffling a little where he sat.

"Morning" he repeated, leaning into the other's touch a little as he looked between the both of them. What happened now? Did he bring up yesterday or did he wait until they brought the topic up?

"Hunk made breakfast, you should go eat something"

He shook his head at Shiro, stretching a little as he placed his legs over the side of the bed and stood up, stumbling a little before finding his balance. The cuts on his thigh from the day before still stung, making it difficult for him to walk but he could deal with it.

"I'm not really hungry right now but I'll definitely eat later. It'd be a sin to pass Hunk's food don't you think?" He said, attempting a joke as he stood there awkwardly, wondering if he could just walk out.

"Well thankyou guys, it has been an absolute pleasure spending the night here. Sorry for the bother but if you two don't mind I'll be getting back to my room now" He said, walking towards the door. He was just about to leave when a voice stopped him.

"We mind"

He turned to Keith, raising an eyebrow as he felt the blood start to drain from his face. His heartbeat picking up speed as it thundered against his chest, threatening to burst out.

"W-What?" He whispered, his gaze faltering between the two of them as he stiffened, seconds away from bolting out the door.

"We need to talk Lance. Or more like you need to talk to us" 


	4. My mind's a gate, not one for you to open.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Look at me, strolling in with an incredibly overdue chapter XD This chapter probably has a shit ton of typos so sorryy guys x

Fuck.

"Talk? Now? We're talking now aren't we? Because talking is when people carry out verbal conversations to give information or express ideas or feelings. To converse or communicate by spoken words and all that so this counts at talking. And here I am talking to you so I hope you have a nice day. See yo-" he said, endlessly rambling as he itched to leave. He took a step towards the door, seconds away from leaving when a voice stopped him.

 _"Lance"_ Keith let out, annoyance drifting through his voice as the other boy gulped.

Lance let out a sigh, running his hand through his hair as he nibbled on his lip, his foot endlessly tapping away on the floor to an unkown beat.

"What..what exactly do you want to talk about?" He asked, emotion running thin through his words as he stared at the door, arms loosely crossed over his chest. Maybe he was overthinking everything, maybe they just wanted to carry out a friendly conversation with him. But the tone in their voices told him something else. This wasn't happening. This _couldn't_ happen.

"Take a seat Lance. On the bed, now" Shiro ordered and at any other situation he'd have gladly done that but now he hesitated.

Lance looked at the older male, worry crossing over his features as his heartbeat quickened, thumpung against his chest like a caged bird. It thundered, warning him, threatening to break out from its confinments.

And at this point, he wouldn't mind if his heart decided to forget about why it was made and just left his body. It'd be the end of it all. And that was what he wanted.

His thoughts ran wild inside of his head, pricking its foreign tongue into his skin in one long cry but he did as he was told. He'd have to answer them some day whether he liked it or not.

Walking over to the bed, he sat down on the edge of it, his legs dangling. Shiro crouched down in front of him, a worried look scattered over his face whilst Keith took a seat by his side. He looked down at the black paladin for a second, his brown orbs meeting black and that's when he felt it, as if he was choking. His throat ran dry and he immediately looked away, their heavy gazes set on him, drilling holes into every inch of his body and soul.

"We aren't going to judge you okay? We aren't here for that but lately you've been worrying us Lance. You haven't been eating, you're putting yourself at risk more in missions and it all just feels like a part of you is missing from the rest of us. I just want to know you're okay, we want to know that the Lance we know is still with us," Shiro's words drifted onto him, not soothing his anxiety but not adding to it either.

It was calm. It was calm around him, the atmosphere wasn't tense, it was something else. Something he hadn't felt for a long long time. For a second, Lance could've sworn that the air around him was loving.

"Nothing's wrong. Like I told you before, I just haven't been feeling well. I think I caught something from the food we ate some time ago so that's why I haven't been eating. Probably just a stomach bug to be honest. Maybe you guys are just overthinking everything, I'm fine" he told the both of them, lying to his hearts content. Lying wasn't hard for him, he could lie like he could utter words or breathe. But of course it was easy since his entire life was a fucking lie.

His heart sank at the last thing Shiro said, a small frown placing itself on his lips. The lance they know. That Lance was a lie too, not a complete one but his happiness wasn't always here right? So he was a lie. The lance they knew was a lie , the Lance they knew was the one they liked so he obviously couldn't spill his heart out to them. Because then they'd see just how fake he was, how he had played everyone. They for sure wouldn't like him anymore, who would?

"Don't bullshit us Lance. Do you think we're blind? Do you think we don't see what's happening around us? If you're so fine then what happened last night?" Keith asked raising a single eyebrow as he turned to look at him.

His gaze brushed over his features, meeting soft skin, long eyelashes and plump lips. His face was so beautiful. Keith was so beautiful but then why did the way he look at him unnerve him? Why did it cause a wave, a torrent of anxiety to swarm up in his body to fill his lungs? Could he breathe? Could he fucking breathe?

"Nothing" he breathed out, his voice catching in his throat.

He shook his head, brushing the matter off easily, hoping they'd just leave him be. They should just leave him alone, it'd be better for all three of them then. He could just carry on living as he was and so would they. Keith and Shiro would be happy and Lance would watch them live from a distance. It was how his story went, it was how he'd die.

"Nothing? That wasn't nothing Lance. You can talk to us. Please, talk to us" Shiro spoke in a soothing voice, soft words leaving his mouth, brushing against his body like a paintbrush.

And god, he'd let them paint his empty canvas as much as they'd like to. They could fill it with colour. Turn him into a kaleidoscope of emotion. Mold him in whatever way possible. It didn't matter. He'd just paint it all black again.

"It was nothing. Probably just a dream, I can't remember"

Lance knew far too well that he wished his words had been the truth. Because he remembered everything. Every breath, every flinch, every scream. Every aching slit that carved its way into his skin, every thrust, every ache. He drank it all up like poison and it infected his blood, his mind, his soul.

His gaze remained low, set on his knees but he could feel them look at each other Keith's soft hair brushed against him, light tingles scampering across tanned skin as Shiro came to rest a hand on his right leg. A sigh raked out of his leader's mouth and he thought for a second that this was all the talking they would do. It was obvious he wasn't going to tell them anything.

A cold chuckle broke the silence, chilling him to the bone. He didn't like it. He didn't like that sound leaving through Keith's lips, sparking his anxiety, making it twist and turn inside of him. He didn't like it at all.

"You're lying. If I was blind, I would hear it. If I was deaf, I would feel it. You're lying Lance and it's killing me to know that you can't trust us enough to tell us what's wrong. Speak to me, to us. Please. Please, I don't want to wake up and see you like that again, having no idea of what's plaguing you. Maybe I can help, maybe we can help"

His lips twisted from what was a thin line to something that threatened to spill out his life. Spill out his secrets. It burned him, ravaged him, clawing its way out of his body. And he hated it. He hated the fact that Keith thought he didn't trust him. He hated the fact that he had caused this sudden spill of anxiety, of worry to rise up from deep within the surface inside of the red paladin. He hated it all.

"I can't" he deadpanned, taking in a long breath as his fingers fiddled with themselves.

"Can't? Why not? You can tell us Lance, we're here to help, not mock you or anything" Keith spoke, confusion making itself known on his features.

A groan of complete annoyance fled his lips as he buried his head in his hands, pulling at his soft locks. Why didn't they get it? Why did they pry so fucking much? It's not for them to know or to ask or to care. His life wasn't a fucking book where you could just open it up and flick through the pages. Fuck, if it was, he was sure the reader would burn it.

Didn't they get the message? Why did they have to invade his space? _Why are they acting like they can handle everything? Why do they act as if they understand?_

"I. Can't." He repeated, his words set in stone as he pulled at his hair much harder, his fingers digging into his skin. He could feel his heart thump in his ears, blood rushing around violently inside of him. He noticeably stiffened, tightening up as his lips morphed into a scowl. He was going to explode, he was going to blow up.

"Keith" Shiro whispered, warning him to tread lightly but the red paladin didn't listen.

"Wh-

" _For_ _fucks sake Keith._ I said i can't. I can't fucking tell you so for once in your life stop telling yourself that you need to know every single little fucking detail about everyone" He yelled out, venom coating his words as he felt like he sat not on a bed but on the edge of breaking down.

His hands fell from his head, his head cocking up to inflict his gaze on the other. Rage built up inside of him, churning up words of hate, creating daggers of sound . He didn't need this right now. Lance glared, unable to hide his discomfort and anger anymore as he locked eyes with Keith. He watched him. He watched as his eyes widened, hurt evident in them. He watched as he flinched a little as every little word escaped, his lips forming a tight line as his hands fisted into the bed. God, he watched his words play on him.

"Do you think it's _easy_? Spilling my heart out in one long blow just because you _ask_? After years, after a whole life time of keeping everything inside of me, letting it burn and buildup. Let it choke me, fill me with absolute venom. You think that I'd just be able to lay my life on your hands just because _you_ want to know? _You want to_ _help_?" A cold chuckle escaped his lips as anger started to take hold of him, knocking on the doorstep of his mind as words leaked out from his mouth.

His gaze hardened, sneering as his hands clung to his trousers, his fingers digging into the wound on his thigh. A sharp pain rang out inside of him, reminding him of just what a fuck up he was. Of just why he couldn't tell them.

_Did they want to know about this? Did they realy want to know about all the blood, scars and pain? Did they want him to sugarcoat his words and get it all over and done with?_

_Do they really want to know about the real Lance or the one they've fabricated in their minds?_

"What kind of bullshit is that? Are you my saviour? Huh? Are you my light? Don't act like you don't want to laugh when you look at me. Because for gods sake, look at me. It's a joke right? I'm a complete joke. And you know what? I don't blame you guys if you laughed right now. I don't blame you if you look at me weirdly everytime I pass by you now. Yesterday night must have completely changed your opinion about me and I apologise. I was pathetic and you had to see me like that"

Tears brimmed up in his eyes as he quickly wiped them away before they could fall. But there they were again, filling up the empty space inside of him. How much had he cried? How much would he fucking cry?

"You want to know about last night huh? You want to know what happened Keith, Shiro? I happened. It was me. It was all me that's what. I fucking happened" He told them, his words slurring slightly as a tear ran down his cheek.

He pulled his legs up on the bed, hiding his face in his knees as the silence stilled over him. A hand made itself known as soft fingers trailed through his hair, soothing him just the slightest. A sigh raked his body as he looked up, locking onto the both of them, his vision blurred with warm tears.

"I'm sorry. I just blew up on the both of you. It's not even your fault, you two just wanted to help. I'm sorry, I apologise" he whispered, embarrassment taking through him at his outburst.

"It's okay, we shouldn't have pushed. I...I shouldn't have pushed you to answer so I'm. I'm sorry" The words left Keith's voice slowly, almost as if he was embarrassed of what he had done.

Lance's eyes widened for a fragment of a second, locking his gaze onto Keith. He was speechless, his lips parting before a small smile lifted onto his face.

"Oh my, did i hear that correctly ? It must have been the wind but i'm afraid i may have heard you wrong . Care to repeat?~" he teased, clearing up the air around him as he wiped away his tears.

"You heard me right the first time pretty boy, now do tell me. How did you sleep?" The red paladin purred, grasping the cuban boys chin in his hand as mischief ran wild in his gaze. Shiro chuckled, his hand lightly dancing over Lance's thighs and down his legs.

"Ahh, yes. Do tell us. I had quite the entertaining dream~"

His tanned skin heated up almost immediately, crimson red pooling over his body, as his eyes widened.

"S-Sleep? O-Oh just fine"

His words seemed to drift into silence as he watched the vixen that sat beside him. He watched as slowly but surely, Keith grew closer, _incredibly closer_. And as if he was being preyed upon, a hand trailed up his thigh and placed itself against his chest, lightly pushing him back against the bed.

"Fine? You sure it wasn't too hot for you mhmm? Since you were between two bodies and Shiro has a slight tendency of moving in his sleep. He didn't bother you did he?" Keith purred, his words curving around his tongue and leaving his mouth like a thousand symphonies sang in one breath.

Now Lance was the one who flirted with others,he was supposed to be the one with the clever tongue. But god, Keith could leave him tongue tied without even trying.

He wasn't the one who became flustered, he was the one who initated it. But now, as Keith tangled his hands into his hair, lips barely touching, heated breath mingling, he was incredibly flustered. And Shiro wasn't helping.

"N-N-Nah. He... he was just fine"

"Good. That's good. You hear that darling? You were a good boy last night~"

"A good boy? Well that deserves a reward. Don't i deserve a reward Lance?" Shiro questioned, slowly geting up from his position as his hand fled under the cuban boy's shirt.

A soft whimper left from his lips once cold metal met the warmth of his skin, a shiver running down his spine. His back curved just the slightest bit, leaning into his touch as Keith grinded his hips down against Lance's.

_What was happening? Oh my god, what was happening?_

"Answer me Lance. I belived i asked you a question"

A squeeze on his hip brought him out of his thoughts as he turned to look at Shiro, his words tangling themselves together. So beautiful. They were so goddamn _beautiful_.

Lance seemed to melt under his gaze, becoming absolutely captivated by the way his jaw framed his face, the way his lips just looked so kissable. But the thing that seemed to leave him breathless was the look in his eyes. He became lost in him. Lost in them.

"I-I-

A loud knock on the door stopped him in his tracks, making all three of them turn and stare at it.

"Guys, is Lance in there? Coran's looking for him"

A sigh of relief clambered out of him as he quickly untangeld himself from their bodies, almost tripping as he made his way towards the door.

_Thankyou_

"Hunk my buddy, my man, my saviour. I'll be right outside" he yelled out, attempting to look the least bit presentable before dashing out of the room. That was close. A little too close.

\------------------------------------------------------------------------------------Keith pouted, glaring daggers into Lance's back as he basically ran away from him. Why did Hunk have to interfere? He was so close to finally seducing the guy that seemed to reside in his thoughts. Beside him, Shiro sighed before falling back against the bed in defeat.

"Shiro, i want him. I neeeeed him. Why does he keep running away? How do i physically hint that we want to date him without it flying over his head?" He said before laying back down beside the sulking leader.

"Give him time. I don't know how much clearer we can get"

"Yeah well if he doesn't get it soon then i'll be sure to make it a hell of a lot clearer" he mumbled, a smirk drifting onto his lips.

If words didn't get threw Lance's thick head then he had several _physical_ ways he could express himself.

"Don't you dare fuck the poor boy without me Kogane"


	5. A war within a war

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ahh i've finallyy updated. Honestly, i just have a bunch of headcannons for this fic and i'm still figuring out how to piece them together without it seeming too rushed. I've been meaning to write this chapter for ageeess but writers block got me first. XD thankyou all for your comments and kudos, they are very appreciated x

A sigh draped out of the blue paladins mouth, his hand running through his hair in an attempt to gather his thoughts. Hunk had walked off once Lance had stepped out of the room, sending him a curious glance before shaking his head with a smile. What had he got himself into? He questioned as he leaned against the wall, its cold touch softly snaking down his back.

Leaning his head back against it, he let his eyes shut for a second, basking in the quiet hum of the castle. A small smile drifted onto his face, knowing that Shiro and Keith were just a step away from him. "You're being reckless Lance" he muttered just as he heard the door open. His eyes widened for a split second before quickly running to hide behind a corner.

Mullet and Muscles appeared in his field vision, whispering to each other as they walked down the opposite direction to where he stood. His eyes darted down both their figuires, recalling how their warmth felt against him. Especially in the night _. Oh god, the night_.

Instantly a blush rose to his cheeks, his face heating up as his hand rose to his mouth in an attempt to cover up the smile that had formed. He could hardly believe that he had been touchd by the hands of those he wanted, especially since he had been watching them from afar for so long.

Even though he knew they didn't mean it, it still meant something to him. Welll, they possibly couldn't mean what they did since...they were sort of moving in their sleep. That was the only explanation he could come up with, why else would two of the most important paladins willingly touch Lance?

The blue paladin let out a sigh, slumping against the wall as his eyes shut close, resting in the silence of the castle. He had almost been caught. He had nearly pulled the plug and let his secrets flow out of his mouth in an endless tumble of blue. How much longer could he do this? How much longer will he bask in the safety of keeping what he knew to himself?

His hands knotted together, clenching them tightly as he looked down at his feet. Yesterday was dangerous, he had let them see a part of him no one knew about. And that was one thing he couldn't allow to happen again. ......................................................................................... _Keith's p.o.v_

"Okay Shiro, here's the plan" left Keith's mouth in a whisper as they left the room, a cocky grin planted on his face.

They walked side by side, stopping for a second as the quickened step of feet darted along the hall for a moment. Looking around, they dismissed the noise for nothing but a fragment of their imagination.

"Plan? You have a plan? That can't be good" Shiro muttered, biting into the tip of his tongue as a light smack hit the back of his head.

"Well techinically this is _my_ plan but...lets..lets make a deal"

The black paladin stopped to raise an eyebrow, his ears almost perking up as the corners of his lips turned up in to a smirk. His gaze rested on Keith's face, taking in his features or a moment, wondering just what was going on in that damn head of his. He could practically hear the clogs turning around from inside his mind, his eyes burning into a deep purple.

"What sort of deal?" Shiro questioned, his lips pursing up just the slightest bit as his eyebrow remained arched. Keith watched as he crossed his arms over his chest, his head tilting to the side just a little. And that's when he knew he had the other's attention.

His smirk widened, a flash of mischief running clear through his eyes, the tip of his tongue snaking past his lips and across his bottom lip before once again hiding in its confinement. 

"Whoever gets Lance first is the winner of this all. Lance is the prize and the winner gets to do whatever they want to him whilst the loser has to watch. You get to have both people at your mercy for 24 hours and in those 24 hours, whatever you want or say goes. That is after we've got Lance's consent once one of us seduces him." He spoke, mimicking the way Shiro stood as he too crossed his arms over his chest.

Their was no way that he was losing, Keith knew what he was doing. Well atleast, he hoped he did.

A loud hum rumbled through the air, drawing him out of his thoughts as he cast his gaze back on Shiro. His eyes widened as the other started to close the gap between them and before long, Keith found himself trapped between Shiro's body and the wall.

A staggered breath fled from his lips as the other leaned down to graze his nose against the curze of Keith's neck, softly nipping down on the flesh. He felt a hand plant itself on his waist, a soft but firm grip causing him to lose track of what was going on.

"Keith, you don't except me to lose do you? I love you but we both know i have a better chance of winning Lance over then you do" The other purred, his breath fleeting across the red paladin's ear.

A shiver ran down his spine as his hands lightly fisted, a huff leaving through his mouth. Soft lips ran down his neck, heat cascading over his smaller frame as Shiro stepped impossibly closer. Keith felt a knee between his thighs, his legs imediatley closing in around it as his jaw clenched. He knew exactly what the other was doing and there was absolutely no way he was going to give in to him.

Placing his hands against Shiro's chest, he pushed him off of him, practically glaring daggers up at the taller male. Keith scoffed, rolling his eyes as he attempted to ignore the fact that he missed the warmth Shiro gave off.

"Oh? Yeah well then, we'll see how well you do with a muzzle around your mouth, tied down to a chair for hours when i seduce him first" He taunted, walking past him with a scowl before stopping once more.

Keith stared into the distance, the confident look he had on wavering for a second as he sighed. His hands opened and clenched over and over again as he bit into his lip, a frown present on his face.

"You know... i'm not only after his body Shiro." He whispered, wrapping an around his waist as a solemn look passed over his features.

It killed him to know that Lance had been hiding so much from the both of them, that he was still hiding his pain under that expression of his. He wanted to help, reach out and pull the other into a tight embrace, let him rant his worries to him whenever he wished to. Keith wanted nothing more then to place his hand on his shoulder and tell him that he was here for him. That he couldn't possibly know what Lance had been through but that he'd never leave his side.

"I may be selfish but i want his heart too. I want to be there for him whenvever he needs me. I want to be trusted, to be held, to promise him so much more then he had been given. I want to be there for his happy days and cuddle up to him for his bad ones. Just pull him into my arms and tell him that everything will be alright even if it doesn't look like it will. I want to be the reason behind his smile, hear his laugh echo around the room and be there for him to wipe away his tears." His words bounced against the walls as he looked down at the ground he stood on, his lips thinning.

"I..I may not have been through everything he has. And god, i know how selsfish i sound and how selfish i am. But Shiro, i don't want him to be alone. I don't want him to have to be alone any more then he has been. I don't want him to have to look at every passing day as his last, not caring whether or not he makes it. Shiro, i need him and i..i want him to need me" Keith's words barely passed for a whisper now, his voice cracking slightly at the end as he felt himself choke up.

Arms wrapped around him, pulling him into the same warmth with a differnt meaning. Shiro hushed him, slowly running the tips of his fingers through his hair. He knew how inconsiderate he sounded, he told himself that whatever he had been through didn't add up to half of what Lance had. Keith recalled the look in the other's eyes from last night, his screams and shouts echoing in his mind, fear trapped in its hold. He recalled how he had frozen in shock, his mouth falling open as he stared down at Lance, forcing himself out of whatever he had become caught up in just to craddle the other in his arms.

He didn't know what another's pain was, no one did. But he did know what loneliness felt like, how it tightehtend it's vice like grip around your heart and how it taunted you with vile words. He knew how infuriating it could become, how badly you yearned to cry out and yell. Just asking for help from anybody, no matter who they were.

Keith knew how dangerous you could become in the quiet of the night without anyone stopping you from doing anything rash. And the last thing he wanted was for the man he was in love with to have to continue to live alone.

"I know. I know. And i don't just want Lance for what's on the outside either. I want to capture his heart just like you did mine. I want to make him feel loved and be there for his brightest and darkest days. I love you and i love him too, i just wish he knew that" Keith could feel Shiro mumble his words against him, feel his warmth breath smooth over his skin.

"So that's why, i know that i can't lose darling. We both yearn to hold his heart in the palms of our hands first. Be the one he trusts enough to include in his life and be there to craddle him in our arms. I want his love and i want to love him" Shiro spoke, pulling away to plant a small kiss against Keith's forehead.

Keith hummed, reaching out to intertwine their fingers, Lance once again making a home in his mind. He looked up at Shiro, a determined expression planted on his face.

"I can't lose either Takashi. I love him. So no hard feelings when you're the one watching us helplessly. I'll take you apart all over again just as i do the same to him. This is war sweetheart. I hope you understand"


	6. Update

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Basically me realizing that i've practically slePt on y'all

Hi guys!

I know that i've been gone for a long time but due to exams, a loss of motivation and what not, i haven't been updating this book. I will get back to this since i have a lot planned and i really do appreciate all the comments and support from you guys x

I will hopefully be updating Asphyxiation very soon x


End file.
